When I made the decision to stay at home, many people I told asked why. I told them, “You know its the right decision when you have many reasons to do something, and only one why not.” So here are my reasons:
- No one will love my child as much as I do. When I returned to work after the birth of my first son I told my husband that if I was not going to be with my son everyday, I wanted to put him in the best daycare we could find. After almost 4 years of him in the best daycare we could find, I came to the realization no matter how much a daycare cost, no matter how good their academics and programs were, no matter how low their ratios were, their teachers would never love my children as deeply and sincerely as I do.
- No one will have the same expectations of my child as I do. I remember talking to my son’s favorite teacher at his daycare one day, praising her for what she did. I knew I did not have the patience required to wrangle 15+ three year olds for 10 hours a day. She told me something that kind of hit me. She said, “You just have to realize these are not your children, and you do not have to expect the same behavior from them as you do from your own child.”. It shocked me, but I also understood. With so many “babies” with different situations at home, its impossible for me to expect his teach to know what MY executions are for my child’s behavior.
- Where was all the money going?? The cost of putting two in daycare was going to put us over the edge. Big boy cost $225 a week, and baby boy would have cost $290 a week. So on a month that had 5 weeks in it, we would be spending $2500 a month on childcare ALONE! Factor in the additional gas driving to and from work, tolls, and all the times we ate out because we were both just too tired to cook dinner, and there goes my salary.
- Two stressed out parents is not better than one. Engineering is a fun, exciting, and challenging occupation. It also comes with a lot of responsibly and stress. Both my husband and I are engineers, and were coming home stressed out from our jobs. Combine that with the little amount of sleep I was getting, and it was not good for our boys.
- Managing two careers is not easy. While I was in college, I was told as a woman I can have it all: a family and a great career. The reality for me was that this was not possible. My husbands job requires him to travel extensively, making it impossible for me to travel. So when my job started to require me to travel, we knew something was going to have to change.
- This married single mother needed support. I’m very proud of my husband and how hard he works to support our family. Unfortunately, his job requires him to travel a lot, sometimes for several weeks at a time. During these times I would be especially stressed. And even though I have family about an hour away, they were unable to really help out due to the distance. With staying home, I would be able to escape to my family for those times when my husband was gone for an extended period.
- God spoke. When I went on maternity leave for baby boy, I had all intentions of going back to work. Then, a month after he was born, a friend of mine gave me a devotional that would help me spend at least 15 minutes a day with God. That’s a lot of time when you have a newborn! As I started spending time with God, I started feeling him change my heart. He reminded me that he had called me into ministry as a young girl. He told me he was calling me into ministry now: The ministry of my family.
Hey you… just stumbled upon your blog and this post is like reading my own thoughts! I was an engineer (electronics by degree, then the software kind by profession) for 12 years, before calling it quits post motherhood (had my fair share of struggles with the "best" daycare and also trying to "have it all" by working from home). Turns out, you got one life and I could no longer just let it pass be by while I kept running to keep up! Enjoyed reading this post a lot 🙂
I'm glad you enjoyed the post! Its a hard decision to make, especially since there's so few women in the engineering field. There's a lot of pressure to keep working. But as you said, we only have one life to live, and you choose how to life your life.